By now, you have probably seen far too many of those “why are you single” articles. Way too often, the authors treat singlehood as a disease that needs to be cured, and they tell you what you did wrong that led you to get (or stay) sick. I’ve made fun of those singles-bashing lists and also offered some more positive takes on single life in The Real Reasons for Living Single。
到目前為止，你可能已經(jīng)看過太多的“為什么你單身”的文章。在很多時候，作者們對于單身是作為一種需要被治愈的疾病，并且他們告訴你你做錯了什么而導(dǎo)致這種病態(tài)。我常取笑那些單身人士并提供一些積極的建議給仍就過著單身生活的人士。
In addition to the disease-mentality, there is something else that is troubling about those articles – they are almost always just the opinions of some outside observer. They rarely ask single people what they think about their single lives。
除了病態(tài)的心態(tài)，還有其他因素是那些文章的困擾。他們幾乎都是一些外界的觀察者的觀點。他們很少詢問單身人士他們對于自己的單身生活是如何想的。
Happily, that has changed with a new typology offered by the Polish sociologist Julita Czernecka, author of Single and the City. She asked a select group of Polish single people – 30 men and 30 women – to talk about their single lives. The people she interviewed are not a representative sample of Polish singles, so her results are more suggestive than definitive. I think they provide a good alternative, though, to people who offer nothing but their own opinion as to why other people are single。
有幸的是，這已經(jīng)被波蘭社會學(xué)家朱列達澤內(nèi)卡(《單身與城市》的作者)的新象征主義改變了。她調(diào)查了一組波蘭的單身人士，30個男人和30個女人，來講述他們的單身生活。她采訪的人并非波蘭單身人士中有代表性的樣本，所以她的樣本與其說是決定性的，不如說是提示性的。我認為他們提供了一個好的選擇，至于為什么其他人單身，人們也只是提供了他們自己的觀點。
The 60 singles Czernecka interviewed fit the profile of people she was most interested in learning about. They were financially stable college graduates between the ages of 27 and 41 who had not been in a serious romantic relationship for at least two years. None had ever been married and none had children, but they were all still old enough to have children if they ever wanted to。
澤內(nèi)卡了解了60個單身漢的簡介，這是她最有興趣的部分。他們都是至少有兩年沒談過戀愛的27至41歲經(jīng)濟穩(wěn)定的大學(xué)畢業(yè)生。沒有人結(jié)過婚，也沒有人有孩子，但他們?nèi)绻胍⒆拥脑�，也到了該有孩子的年紀。
Here are the 5 types of single people she found. (She did not say how many were in each category。)
這是她發(fā)現(xiàn)的五種單身人士。(她沒有說每一種有多少人。)
1. Happy singles: These are single people who “fully accept their lifestyle。” They “do not feel the need to be in a relationship。” In fact, they say that they are happy not to be in a serious romantic relationship. They are probably the people I would call single at heart。
1. 樂意單身。這些單身人士完全滿足他們的生活方式，他們沒有感覺到有需要談戀愛。事實上，他們是說他們對于沒有一場認真的戀愛關(guān)系而感到愉快。他們可能就是我們稱之為有一顆單身心的人。
2. Accustomed singles: They are similar in many ways to the happy singles, but instead of saying that they are happy with their single lives, they say, “I’m used to being single。” They don’t mean that in any resigned or negative sense. As Czernecka explains, “They have been alone for a while and treat it as their natural state – they do not want to destroy the harmony of their life, or give up their rituals and everyday pleasures for a partner. All emotional needs, the sense of being accepted and of help in everyday life are provided by their family and friends, which is why they say that they ‘do not need anyone else.’”
2. 習(xí)慣單身。他們在很多方面與樂意單身的人相似。但不是說他們樂意單身，是說他們習(xí)慣單身。他們并不意味著是順從或是消極的觀念。就澤內(nèi)卡的解釋來說，他們暫時是孤獨的并把孤獨作為自然狀態(tài)，他們不想要為了另一半摧毀他們這種和諧的生活或是放棄他們的老規(guī)矩和樂趣。所有情感上的需要，日常生活中的接受與幫助是由他們的家庭和朋友提供的，這就是為什么他們說不需要其他人。
3. Hurt singles: They have had bad experiences with romantic relationships in the past and do not want to be hurt again. (The Carly Simon lyrics, “haven’t got time for the pain,” sound relevant here。)
3. 受過傷的單身漢。他們在過去談戀愛的時候有不好的經(jīng)歷并且不想要再受一次傷。(卡莉西蒙：“沒有痛苦的時候。”在這聽起來是相關(guān)的。)
4. All-or-nothing singles: They only want to be with a romantic partner if they can find someone great. They are not going to be in a romantic relationship just to be in a romantic relationship。
4. 孤注一擲的單身漢。如果他們找到合適的人的時候，他們只想要一個愛人。他們不會想要談戀愛就去談戀愛。
5. Romantics: These people are a lot like the all-or-nothings, only with a much more romantic bent. They seem to believe in the fairy tales and the myths. They are sure that their “soul mate” is out there somewhere. Some have broken off decent relationships because their partner did not make them swoon the way they expect to when they finally find their true Princess or Prince Charming。
5. 浪漫的人。這些人和孤注一擲的人很像，僅僅是多了浪漫的癖好。他們似乎相信神話和童話。他們確信他們的靈魂伴侶就在某處。一些人已經(jīng)斷絕了良好關(guān)系，因為他們的伴侶沒有讓他們情迷意亂，他們期望著最終找到他們真正的公主或是迷人的王子。
