Adolescence

青春期

Parents are often upset when their children praise the homes of their friends and regard it as a slur on their own cooking, or cleaning, or furniture, and often are foolish enough to let the adolescents see that they are annoyed. They may even accuse them of disloyalty, or make some spiteful remark about the friends' parents. Such a loss of dignity and descent into childish behaviour on the part of the adults deeply shocks the adolescents, and make them resolve that in future they will not talk to their parents about the places or people they visit. Before very long the parents will be complaining that the child is so secretive and never tells them anything, but they seldom realize that they have brought this on themselves.

Disillusionment with the parents, however good and adequate they may be both as parents and as individuals, is to some degree inevitable. Most children have such a high ideal of their parents, unless the parents themselves have been unsatisfactory, that it can hardly hope to stand up to a realistic evaluation. Parents would be greatly surprised and deeply touched if they realized how much belief their children usually have in their character and infallibility, and how much this faith means to a child. If parents were prepared for this adolescent reaction, and realized that it was a sign that the child was growing up and developing valuable powers of observation and independent judgment, they would not be so hurt, and therefore would not drive the child into opposition by resenting and resisting it.

The adolescent, with his passion for sincerity, always respects a parent who admits that he is wrong, or ignorant, or even that he has been unfair or unjust. What the child cannot forgive is the parent's refusal to admit these charges if the child knows them to be true.

Victorian parents believed that they kept their dignity by retreating behind an unreasoning authoritarian attitude; in fact they did nothing of the kind, but children were then too cowed to let them know how they really felt. Today we tend to go to the other extreme, but on the whole this is a healthier attitude both for the child and the parent. It is always wiser and safer to face up to reality, however painful it may be at the moment.DOTID OFLUM Journey Through Adolescence

本文參考譯文

當家長聽到孩子贊揚自己朋友的家時，總感到不安，認為孩子在嫌棄自家的飯菜、衛(wèi)生、或家具，而且愚蠢地讓孩子看出自己的煩惱。他們甚至責備孩子不忠，或者講些小朋友家長的壞話。家長這種有失身份和孩子氣的作法使青春期的孩子大為震驚，決心以后不再向父母講述去過的地方和見過的人。不要很久,家長就會抱怨孩子守口如瓶，什么事也不告訴他們，殊不知這是他們自找的。

不管家長的人品有多么好，作為父母有多么合格，孩子們對家長幻想的破滅在某種程度上是不可避免的。除非父母自身不能令人滿意，大多數(shù)孩子對父母估價過高，以致這種估價很難指望經(jīng)受住現(xiàn)實的考驗。如果家長意識到孩子們通常是多么相信家長的品行和絕對正確，意識到孩子們的這種信念會對孩子產(chǎn)生多么大的影響，那么家長會大為吃驚和深受感動的。如果家長對青少年的這種反應有思想準備，并且意識到這象征著孩子們正在成熟和正在發(fā)展寶貴的觀察力、獨立判斷力，那么他們就不會那樣傷心，也就不會由于怨恨和抵觸這種反應，而把孩子推到自己的對立面去。

青少年酷愛真誠，對于能夠承認錯誤或無知、甚至承認自己做得不公平或不公正的父母，他們總是尊敬的，孩子們所不能原諒的是：父母錯了，孩子們也看出來了，可是做父母的還不肯承認。

維多利亞時代的父母認為，他們可以靠無理的權威氣派來維護自己的尊嚴，實際上那是根本不行的。孩子們只不過被嚇得不敢讓父母知道自己的想法罷了。雖然現(xiàn)在我們傾向于走向另一個極端，但總地來看，孩子和家長雙方態(tài)度都比較端正。遇事采取面對現(xiàn)實的態(tài)度總是比較明智和穩(wěn)妥的，盡管會有暫時的痛苦。

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