"How much does a wife cost in your province?" This seemingly ridiculous question was part of the greeting for many people during the just concluded "Golden Week" National Day holiday. Incidentally, the National Day holiday is the peak season for weddings in China。
According to Chinese tradition, a groom usually pays a certain amount of money to the bride's family to fix a marriage. The practice is prevalent throughout the country. A recent Beijing News survey shows that 89.1 percent of the newly married couples abided by the tradition。
In most cases, the amount men (or their families) have to pay the women's families is too big for most to afford. According to media reports and micro-bloggers, the "price" of marrying varies from 60,000 yuan ($9,804) to 100,000 yuan in central and western regions; it could be more than 100,000 yuan in most coastal provinces. Compare this with the average annual salary of 46,769 yuan in public enterprises and 28,752 in private ones in China in 2012.
The endowment amount is even higher in certain developed regions. For example, in provinces like Guangdong, a would-be groom must gift a gold necklace, gold ring and gold bracelet apart from the endowment money to the would-be bride's family. In cities like Beijing and Shanghai, a man could also be expected to purchase an apartment before marriage, and even a tiny apartment costs more than 1 million yuan. Add to that the price of a car in some cases。
In some parts of eastern Shandong province, the endowment money is measured by weight. For instance, to marry a woman, one must pay her parents at least 1.5 kilograms of 100 yuan notes, which would add up to at least 131,000 yuan, according to some bankers。
Endowment may be part of Chinese tradition, but the standards have become so high in recent years that a majority of families are finding it difficult to meet them. Besides, many newly married couples are forced to host extravagant wedding ceremonies to keep up with the Joneses and, in the process, run up huge debts that could turn their married life sour, at least in the initial phase。
Rapidly rising living cost is the primary cause of rising endowment amounts. For most young people, marriage means setting up home independent of their parents, which has become increasingly difficult given the constantly rising prices of almost everything. Complicating young couples' problems is the deeply rooted tradition that a family needs its own home, which is becoming a mission impossible for many because of skyrocketing housing prices. No wonder, most newly (or to be) married couples turn to their parents for help。
The Beijing News survey shows that 75.7 percent of newly married women's families give the endowment amount, adding some from their own savings in many cases, to their daughters to help the new couple to fulfill their initial financial needs。
Many parents save every penny for their children's wedding, even though their own weddings were simple affairs with little involvement of money. And not surprisingly, their frugal wedding ceremonies didn't have any bearing on their married life。
In contrast, luxurious weddings are no insurance for a sound marriage. China's divorce rate has been rising for seven successive years. Worse, the percentage of divorced couples aged between 35 and 22 is increasing, and "lightning divorce", that is, within one year of marriage, is no longer rare。
Given the rapid rate of urbanization, more young people born in rural areas or small cities are living and getting married in big cities like Beijing and Shanghai, where wedding expenses have shot through the roof. The high endowment amounts often rob grooms' parents of their life's savings and causes family disputes. Just google "gift (endowment) money" and you will find all kinds of family disputes that it has caused。
When will the practice change? Nobody knows. Hopefully, with people's income rising and the gap between urban and rural areas narrowing, the burden will become bearable for more families。
By Zhang Zhouxiang ( China Daily)
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“在你的城市里娶一個(gè)妻子需要下多少聘禮?”這個(gè)看似荒唐的問(wèn)題，在剛剛過(guò)去的十一黃金周里成為了許多人日常問(wèn)候的一部分。而國(guó)慶假期正好是中國(guó)的結(jié)婚季。
根據(jù)中國(guó)的傳統(tǒng)，通常新郎都需要給新娘家一筆錢作為聘禮來(lái)定下婚禮。這一習(xí)慣在整個(gè)中國(guó)都很普遍。北京最近的一個(gè)新聞?wù){(diào)查顯示，89.1%的新婚夫婦都遵守了這一傳統(tǒng)習(xí)俗。
大多數(shù)情況下，很多男人(或者男方家庭)都難以承受需要支付給女方家庭的聘金。根據(jù)媒體報(bào)道和微博互動(dòng)，在中部和西部地區(qū)，結(jié)婚的“價(jià)格”大致為6萬(wàn)元(約合9804美元)到10萬(wàn)元，在大多數(shù)沿海省份，有時(shí)會(huì)超過(guò)10萬(wàn)元。相比而言，2012年中國(guó)國(guó)有企業(yè)個(gè)人平均年收入約為46769元，私有企業(yè)個(gè)人平均年收入約為28752元。
而在某些發(fā)達(dá)地區(qū)結(jié)婚聘金甚至更高。舉例來(lái)說(shuō)，在廣東省，準(zhǔn)新郎在聘金之外還需要給女方家里送金項(xiàng)鏈、金戒指和金手鐲;在北京和上海，男方需要在結(jié)婚前買一套房子，但是在這些地方，一間小小的公寓都要過(guò)百萬(wàn)元，有時(shí)甚至還要買一輛車。
在山東東部的一些地方，聘金是按錢的重量來(lái)給的。比如，男方至少需要給女方1.5公斤的百元大鈔，根據(jù)一些銀行的數(shù)據(jù)，這些錢至少是13.1萬(wàn)。
聘金是中國(guó)傳統(tǒng)習(xí)俗的一部分，但是近幾年來(lái)其標(biāo)準(zhǔn)不斷上升，致使大多數(shù)家庭都很難達(dá)到。此外，許多新婚夫婦被迫舉行奢侈的婚禮宴會(huì)，在這個(gè)過(guò)程中，大量債務(wù)的累積可能使他們的新婚生活變得辛酸，至少在最初階段是這樣。
快速上漲的生活費(fèi)用是聘金增加的主要原因。對(duì)于大多數(shù)年輕人來(lái)說(shuō)，結(jié)婚意味著與父母分開(kāi)，獨(dú)立組建家庭，然而物價(jià)的不斷上漲使這一切都變得越來(lái)越困難。有一個(gè)自己的家是中國(guó)根深蒂固的傳統(tǒng)，也導(dǎo)致了這些復(fù)雜的年輕夫婦的問(wèn)題，而現(xiàn)在，飛漲的房?jī)r(jià)幾乎已經(jīng)使這成為一個(gè)不可能完成的任務(wù)了。也難怪，許多新婚或是已婚夫婦都轉(zhuǎn)而向父母求助。
北京新聞?wù){(diào)查顯示，大約75.7%的新婚夫婦的女方父母會(huì)把聘金和一些自己的積蓄給他們的女兒以幫助這對(duì)新婚夫婦滿足最初的經(jīng)濟(jì)需要。
許多父母為了他們孩子的婚禮節(jié)省每一分錢，盡管他們自己的婚禮都是簡(jiǎn)簡(jiǎn)單單的，并沒(méi)有花費(fèi)很多錢。毫無(wú)疑問(wèn)，老一輩節(jié)儉的婚禮沒(méi)有給他們的婚后生活帶來(lái)任何負(fù)擔(dān)。
相反，奢侈的婚禮并不會(huì)給健全的婚姻帶來(lái)保障。事實(shí)上，中國(guó)離婚率已連續(xù)7年在上漲，更糟糕的是，年齡在35~22歲的夫婦在離婚比例中越來(lái)越多，并且“閃離”即結(jié)婚一年之內(nèi)離婚的情況不再罕見(jiàn)。
高速城市化之下，更多出生在農(nóng)村或小城市的年輕人選擇到北京、上海那樣的大城市生活、結(jié)婚，而這些地方的結(jié)婚費(fèi)用高得驚人。高額的聘禮常常“搶劫”了新郎父母畢生的積蓄，甚至?xí)鸺彝ゼm紛。只要百度一下“婚禮聘金”，你就會(huì)找到各種由禮金引發(fā)的家庭矛盾。
這樣的習(xí)俗什么時(shí)候才會(huì)改變?沒(méi)有人知道。希望隨著人們的收入增加，城鄉(xiāng)差距縮小，將有更多的家庭可以承受這樣的負(fù)擔(dān)。
